Humanitarian

Photo by Casila - Narcissus

I am an avoider
I have a bad habit
I disappear when you 
need a hand, a shoulder, consolement,
I suffer from child abandonment
so I disappear without notice,
I'm unreliable at times of adversity
I don’t want to hear the calling
everybody’s crying
no one heard me sobbing. 

I run away from problems
I put them off to tomorrow’s tomorrow
don’t you say You like running away from problems
I am the problems problem!
I’m mad about the truth
I don’t know how to change it
can’t you understand?
I suffer from child abandonment.

I carry the burden of my actions
I live with the consequences,
I am disappointment, I am heartbreak
I can’t apologize enough to myself.
I don’t like being taken advantage of
people drain me and never fill my cup
I’ve forgotten myself a long time ago
I’m trying to be kinder to myself.

I wanted to love me
I wanted to love myself
Narcissist 
you wanted me to believe,
there is nothing wrong with my mental health.
You needed, needed me, to stay there, stay stagnant 
you needed, needed me, to live within your confinements.
  

I’m being persecuted for being an avoider

I’ve moved, and I’ve gone away

I’ve moved, and I’ve been away

Planes, Trains, and Freeways

I don’t want to be in this same space

Where I am treated this way.

Another poem to read: Flowers