Divorce

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I’ve grown cold to his touch
I’m no longer warmed by his smile,
I no longer find comfort in holding
His stare,
I can’t believe it
I’m looking deeply into you
You use to be my all
You were everything to me
You were everyone for me,
Friend,
Supporter,
Lover,
My life partner,
He’s no longer there
And just with one blink,
I see that you’re also…
Letting go,
And it’s okay
It’s okay
I feel the same,
Go.

Another poem to read: Flame

The Woman

Photo by Amar Saleem from Pexels

The woman woke up 
the next morning and understood
her value, she started establishing boundaries
in relationships where there was no balance.

Started replacing fear with faith 
and confiding with Christ, her Counselor
to practice privacy, admitting her needs
in this new chapter in her life.

Humanitarian

Photo by Casila - Narcissus

I am an avoider
I have a bad habit
I disappear when you 
need a hand, a shoulder, consolement,
I suffer from child abandonment
so I disappear without notice,
I'm unreliable at times of adversity
I don’t want to hear the calling
everybody’s crying
no one heard me sobbing. 

I run away from problems
I put them off to tomorrow’s tomorrow
don’t you say You like running away from problems
I am the problems problem!
I’m mad about the truth
I don’t know how to change it
can’t you understand?
I suffer from child abandonment.

I carry the burden of my actions
I live with the consequences,
I am disappointment, I am heartbreak
I can’t apologize enough to myself.
I don’t like being taken advantage of
people drain me and never fill my cup
I’ve forgotten myself a long time ago
I’m trying to be kinder to myself.

Elevated

Photo by Frank K from Pexels

We don’t connect, anymore.

You’re with the in-crowd,

Loud crowd,

High crowd,

Binge crowd,

Womanizing crowd,

Gold roll-e and chain crowd,

Fame crowd.

We don’t connect, anymore.

Another poem to read: John

The Muse

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I’m the muse

The illusion and subconscious fusion

Of the woman you desire, in a perfect world

Placed me on a pedestal so high

Superwoman, out of this world. 

Perfection, painted in your mind

Untouchable, intangible, golden

Unreal, unhuman, flawless

Specified with intricate details

Superficially sculpted, inside and outside.

So when you saw my true essence,

The glowing presence of my flesh,

Time stood still 

To capture a portrait 

Now embedded in your mind.

You hid behind the wall

To see enough to be in awe 

I knew you’d never come,

I knew you’d stand me up.

Another poem to read: Untitled, Angel 2020

Rocks

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The rocks on the shore
Dig in deep into the sand
Under bare feet walking on the shore.
The rocks on the shore
Gleam and glisten under sunlight
Adding warmth and texture to the bottom of soles.
The rocks on the shore sprinkled about
Like confetti celebrating the waves as they come in,
The rocks on my desk with artificial hydrangeas,
Fill a hurricane glass vase
For decoration,
I haven’t touched them since.

Another poem to read: Hope

Sunset

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Come noon, 
I search for you
With love, you’re perfected in my eyes
Even the unbalance of admiration
I justify.
For you, I excuse the way you prioritize 
I’m always planning to be last,
For you, I carry hope
Everyday adding more love,
To the lackluster love,
That we really have.

Wife

Photo by Casila - Bride

I need him

to be certain

about me

I want to be

essential 

in his life.

Another poem to read: Seventy and Single

Baba

Devotional & Notebook - Photo by Casila

I was skin and bones back then

I had a lot going on
A bit of sleep apnea,
While I was holding my breath
An angel came to wake me
I think I may have known her
Something was so familiar
I only saw her walk away
It was something about the night gown she wore
It was something about the way she pulled back and clipped her hair.

I did a lot of talking to God
Back then, I did a lot of writing
Back then, wrote masterpieces
At bus stops, the words just flowed
And I know it was Him.

Untitled, Amy 2020

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Night can’t come quicker
I need it dark
Dark, so even my blue walls look black
I’m a troubled man
I got this black on my back
I need a dark room
I need silence
I’m black all over
This blackness covers me
It’s all over me
It’s all over my life.

Today, was Monday
I wore this blue collar shirt
Today, was Monday
I left early to catch the train
Today, was Monday
I passed her again, Beauty on Wacker Drive
I said, “Hi”
Wish we were more than friends
I hear that she doesn’t date black men.

Today, was Monday
My face is in my hands
In this claustrophobic cubicle I sit in
This is what I hoped for,
The job I prayed for
My life changing plan.
I’m not respected, here
I’m underpaid, the new slave
I’m drowning in this work.

Today, was Monday
It’s so dark sitting in this room
It’s so dark in here
It’s so dark, these blue walls look black.

Another poem to read: Untitled, Alliyah 2020

The Date

Casila - Restaurant in Paris 

I love the ambiance of candlelight under dim lights,

You smell like myrrh, 

testosterone, 

woodfire, 

amber, 

sandalwood, 

and moonlight.

Your aura is so calm, 

cool, 

confident, 

sophisticated, 

you’re so sexy.

I like your vibe, 

the live music here, 

your jazzy style,

and your smile.

I love that smile.

It’s so telling,

you’re excited about me, 

about life, 

about tonight.

I love that energy. 

Another poem to read: Swipe Left

Untitled, Angel 2020

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

I’m a man with no job.
I look down and away, 
I’m not the man I want to be,
For this woman.
I can’t let her see me, like this.
I don’t even know her name 
Ashamed to ask, when reminded of who I am.
I call her Beauty and Woman of my Dreams,
When I’m scraping counting change for a cup of black
Confidence, every morning at this coffee house 
Just to see her walk in, 
Just look at her, 
Look at her dress,
She looks so pretty in it.

Untitled, April 2020

Photo by Terje Sollie from Pexels

I would light the path for your heart,
To find true love,
If I could. 

I would walk you into uncertainty, 
If it meant you would be married, 
Again,
If it meant you would live life in a better light,
More than what I was able to provide, 
I’d give you away.

I pray for the right words to say,
I stand here with my sin and shame, 
Looking back on all the mask I wore,
I knew I wasn’t the right man, 
For you.

I’m filled with so much regret,
I just want to remove my air from around you,
I want to remove my ugly stains from your skin,
I want to separate the daylight between us,
I am the darkness, the gloom
That consumes your life, even after marriage 
I wasn’t a changed man.

I hope, 
That you will try to find true love,
Again,
I would walk you down the aisle
If I could,
Towards a godly man,
I’d give you away.

Another poem to read: While you are Sleeping

The Coffee House

Photo by Allen from Pexels

The warm sun shines across our table,

and the true brown color of your eyes look so beautiful.

I pretend that the noise level is too loud,

as I lean in for conversation to be close to

your mocha latte fragrant smile.

I ask to see your rings

just to touch your hands,

and I tell you, ‘I like them’

but what I really want to say is,

‘I like you’

and I really enjoy your company,

at the coffee house.

Another poem to read:  The Date

Twin Flame

Photo by Kevin Bidwell from Pexels

When we're on the same wavelength
at times, I feel like we’re partnered in life,
I don’t believe in coincidence
so it’s hard to explain these incidences 
when you’re clear across the world.
I believe, that in this lifetime
your journey has lead you back to me.

I disappear, you disappear, but we always end up 
back here again, and again
I let go, you let go, we act like we don’t need each other
anymore, but then you show up in my dreams, like a reminder
ringing like the calling in my life,  
this connection is like a stronghold.

The Woman in Apt. 222

Photo by Casila - Apt. at Night

I smell liquor on your breath
as you breathe on my neck
and cover my face with hard kisses
smearing lipstick across my mouth,
You wipe my tears
down my face with my mascara
as if wiping away your crime,
love has surely died.
It feels like a service
when you leave your fingerprints 
on my body at night.   
I’m hostage to this pain
again, because 
he pays all of the bills, and I
can’t find a job.

I know when the night gets darker
this floor is going to get colder under these
pink lace boy shorts, I know these tears 
are going to flow warm down my face
and tickle the top of my breast, and I know
that this MD 20/20 will be my company, 
and liquid courage will encourage me to leave.
Ow Lord, in my darkest moments
I’d rather you just take me. 
I have no where to go
and everybody knows, 
he beats me.

Swipe Left

Photo by Yanuar Putut Widjanarko from Pexels

There’s nothing appealing about a man that gets high, high, high
with an intellectual wrap about the world that he sees with his third eye, 
no there is nothing I want to hear
from a man with an altered state of mind. 

There’s nothing attractive about a man with a filthy mouth
who causes embarrassment, because you’ve selected him
to potentially be the head of your household, 
cursing so casually and sounding so juvenile 
as you observe the looks from people, judging and losing respect for him.

While you are Sleeping

Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

I left your bedside
Catching tears of sorrow
Overwhelmed by my grief pouring onto my hands,
Catching tears of you, to hold on to you
Just a moment longer.
What am I going to do when you’re 
No longer here, just because.

I want to scream! as I cover my mouth holding my breath
While I am crying deeply, 
Suffocated by the death that looms,
Descending to take you away.

Quarantined

Photo by Luis Dalvan from Pexels

I imagine what it’s like for those who
Are spending time with their persona.
Given this break from nurturing 
Fake relationships, a break from keeping up 
With the Joneses, I wonder if they are discovering themselves.
I wonder if everyone is assessing their spiritual health, and how 
Close they are to God.

Another poem to read: The Book on the Shelf

Flame

Photo by Mateusz Broniek from Pexels

My inner voice loops chatter of my thoughts of you, 
Like an alcoholic loops in their mind
The events that they haven’t healed from,
Justifying the need for a drink.
My hope is filled to the rim with what my heart really wants.
The night has fallen as I watch the shadows on the wall 
Waiting for your silhouette to arrive with the stark reality of what we’ve become.
It’s reminiscent of when I use to wait by the phone 
For you to confirm your desire for me.
I hang on to the elevated highs of our love, facing the dissipating lows 
In pursuit of keeping it one moment longer 
When the glow has dimmed on our love 
And still, it’s there glowing low in front of my penetrating stare,
I’m unable to blow out the flame.

Another poem to read: Don't Hang Up

John

Hello Yellow - Photo by Casila

As daylight peaks through the blinds,
He feels alarmed with shame,
Daylight is darker than the night.

His body smells like his poorly wiped anus and bile,
His suit is bespoke,
His pockets, lined with unidentified pills.

The sound of the hangover in this silence,
The depth of that empty sound.